When I was pregnant with my first child, I was overwhelmed. I look through tons of books and made lots of Google search from absolutely everything about newborn – sleeping pattern, food, milestones, potty training, parenting style etc. I am talking like EVERYTHING – I even have two folders filled with printouts on parenting information. But when the baby was born, every single bit of techniques and stuff I learned just fell through my fingers. There’s really no fixed way of how to bring up your child. Every baby is so different and it’s really hard to stick to a routine. on I have a two and a half y.o son, he’s Eurasian and very VERY active. He is my first and only child.
Every baby is so different and it’s really hard to stick to a routine. To start with, my bub and I had to stay in the hospital for 5 days after labor. Then he needed formula feed as he was not eating/drinking for over 10 hours at one point. And the list goes on and on. He’s now two and a half, and he’s very VERY active. He’s selfish, rough, talks loudly, picky, likes to hit and such a BIG sook. But on the other hand, he’s very helpful, and very tidy little man. Who would have thought that a child so young (only 30 months old) has so many different personalities? Obviously, I want to mend his bad attitudes and nurture the good ones. But I go get plenty of advice from people around me – friends, moms, my sister, my relatives, and my husband! So I’ve decided to just do it MY way – my own, personalized, customized parenting style.
My parenting style has evolved over these years, from military style to My Style now. When my little bub was little, I strongly believe in carrot and stick style. When he misbehaved, he got the spank. On the other hand, when he performed well, he got the sweet. It all went alright for some time until I noticed he likes to hit other kids, especially the younger ones. At first, I couldn’t make sense why I thought he was just being a bully and he’ll be alright after a few spanks. But it went on and on, and it actually got worse. There are many kids in the playgroup that are much younger than him, and he literally hit everyone. He will take toys from their hands, chase them around with a stick or something else, and just make them cry. At one point I felt so ashamed I stopped bringing him to playgroup.
So I googled on this problem and realized that he actually is mimicking me hitting him. By hitting him, he has learned that it’s OK to hit someone else. So the more I hit him, the more he’ll reinforce his idea that it’s OK to hit others. The moment I learned that I stopped hitting him, not completely but greatly reduced. I want to tame him in another way. So I used ‘time-out’ style. When he’s being nasty or misbehaved, I would put him in a corner and made him stays there for a minute or two. When we are at playgroup I will lift him up to a table and refuse to let him down for a good 5 – 10 minutes. It seems to be working, but very slow. He does show little changes especially right after the time-out, but it doesn’t last.
One thing I learn from my little one is that I have to be persistent and consistent in teaching him. I cannot change his bad behaviors overnight. So I am going to stick to this time-out plan for a while, before deciding if it’s the right one for my bubba. Every kiddo is so different, there’s definitely no ‘one style fits all’ in parenting!
My little devil has been having skin problems since he’s little. He tends to get rashes and lots of pimples on his scalp. Ah, not forgetting all the insect bites. I mean bites that just happened overnight! I change the bedsheets so often it’s not funny, and I apply repellent all over him all the time, but he’s still getting bites! The worse part isn’t the bites, but the scratching. He scratches them throughout the night when he sleeps.
I have been avoiding any medicinal remedy since day 1. A pharmacist suggested to give him a small dose of antihistamine to stop the itch. But I kind of still want him to be drug-free for as long as he can possibly be. He has never had any panadol not even after needles. I know this mother who brings her children to Pediatrician for a mild cough and sniffles! I am actually quite proud of myself so far.
During the first year of motherhood, I was absolutely nervous. I didn’t know what to do, how to do & when to do. My mom was so far away from me, and I was new to the neighborhood I didn’t know anyone. Although never properly diagnosed, I was experiencing all the signs and symptoms of Post Natal Depression. There were suicidal thoughts many nights lying in bed with my little man. I didn’t do any counseling sessions, and I don’t think I am completely over it now. I was constantly worrying about everything; if my little one was reaching his milestone, if his weight was alright, if he was drinking enough, if his poo was normal!
Little man was late in reaching his Speech Milestone. He wasn’t talking as much as he should be according to the purple book. I was nervous. We had to wait 6 months to see the speech specialist. But all of a sudden, he started picking up words and won’t stop talking. He is so bubbly now we didn’t even have to see the specialist! This is just one of the many examples showing how silly I was then. No books, no rules, nothing dictates your child’s developments. I just have to relax and let it happens!
The one thing I cannot relax is messiness! I absolutely cannot tolerate mess, and that has been a major hurdle in my parenting so far. I know that kids and messes are good friends. But it’s not the case for me. My son has to tidy up almost immediately after he finished playing with his toys. To avoid a mess, I would avoid certain activities in the house e.g. playdough, & chalk painting. I know I am going too far, and I have been toning myself down a lot. There’s a lot of learning both for the little man and me.
You might not agree on my parenting style, that’s fine. Regardless what style I am using, I always put my child in the first place. At the end of the day, we just want the best for our children. 🙂
Let me know your parenting style!